Goodbye My Lover, Hope To Never See You Again
I finally talked to ML face to face when I came into town to finalize a few things with the roommate situation. Nothing bad is going on with the roommates, only that Big Black Chocolate Thunder is leaving the apartment due to financial problems. In her place, is a new female roommate whom I have dubbed her 'Shortcake' for a few non-vanilla reasons.
Before I arrived in town, I had talked to ML over the phone about a secure place to meet where we had privacy but we knew not to blow up if there was public around. The one thing we can agree on is not wanting to end up in front of the video camera uploaded to youtube because we were not adult enough to keep our blow outs from getting out of hand. A past lover got off on verbally fighting with moi in front of people. At first, it had been something to amuse him if it got him hard as woodpecker but after while, it became more of a chore and draining than foreplay.
For ML and I, we want to talk and make sure it does not end up like the argument online. Once more, my fault for bringing it up when I could not see his reactions or get the tone of his voice. It even made me go over our IM conversations to see if there was another way the conversation could have been handled and if there was any double meaning in his words. Damn technology for making it too easy to not have a face to face conversation with someone. Oh well. At least, he and I agreed to chat where I am currently attending though I did notice the mass of people, I am guessing newly accepted students being shown around the place. We chose to sit down on the grass, where people usually sleep, sunbathe or even conduct a soccer or football game since the grass area is large enough for a slew of students to enjoy.
The grass was cool against my behind and I zipped my brown hoodie up to neck before throwing the hood over my head. I forgot how the weather in San Francisco is quite the opposite of any weather report in California. The familia's base of operations is piping hot in the summers and slightly cool in the winters. I went from a weather of 81 with slight winds and the more I drove closer and closer to San Francisco, the lower the temperature dropped; it dropped down to 51 and I was smart enough to bring along a sweater should the need for one come up. He wore a hoodie as well with the school's logo on it. Luckily, we do not attend the same classes this summer but once classes start up, I know I will see him in my Statistics class. It will surely be awkward but hopefully we can get into the avenue of being friends.
ML started us off with apologizing for his side of the problems. His apology was appreciated but I was still on guard in case he wanted me to give up the other people for him. Just because someone apologizes it does not erase the score. In fact, I have been known to keep track of the good and the bad things in the various 'non-relationships' I keep with everyone. So far, two other people are ahead of ML by a bouquet of tulips (they are my favorite flowers and anyone who brings me tulips instead of supermarket flowers or the roses will usually be given many 'whipping' points) and a surprise dinner which ended up with a whipped ass. Nonetheless, he was sweet or maybe sneaky to pull me into his arms to spoon and lay down against the grass. I would surely pay for it later when I have to slap on cream for the bug bites but it was worth being held by him for a little while.
ML and I tip toed around the IM conversation ending up in a blow up argument. Instead, we started to ask one another how far we had gone enough for those types of feelings to come out. I let him know I did not appreciate him bursting into anger and accusation that I was trying to 'box' him into being my boyfriend. He let me know he did not enjoy the cold defense I gave him when he tried to contact me offline. I did apologize for the offense since I do take an approach to shut a person off in order to cool down and not end up saying a slew of things that cannot be taken back. ML kissed the back of my neck and whispered of a sex dream he had of us the other night. I have no idea whether he is making it up or not but it helps to make things easier to finally bring up the situation of where we stood with one another.
I let ML know I did care for him but it was not going to turn into a relationship if he kept accusing me of wanting him to stay with only me especially since he was fine with being non-exclusive. I even brought up the phrase of 'friends with benefits' to which he scoffed at because he felt we were more than just friends who fooled around. A bit of a joke really since he never really introduced me to his family, wanted to go out during the day time or even come over to hang out with the roommates. Instead, we stuck to hanging out at his place when his roommates were out or when my own were off to work or school. When we were alone, we watched television or a movie which usually ended up with the two of us fucking and me leaving after it was over. I never slept at his place nor did I invite him to stick around at my apartment. There was no extra toothbrush at his place or a drawer dedicated to me. No mentioning me to his family unless they asked what he was up to in which case he said he was going out to the movies with a 'friend'.
Through it all, I was completely fine with the whole situation. I had no expectations of the two of us being together. Hell, I even enjoyed the thrill of someone not wanting me to settle down or slow down. He had a voracious sexual appetite and sometimes I would almost forget to go to class or head off to one of the jobs. The male kept me entertained for the past few months when I started to get bored of a few people and items. Nonetheless, he was not number one in my life. I clocked him at number twelve on the list of people who were important to me. Sad but very true.
By the end of the conversation, it was clear that we were not going to be seeing each other for much longer. ML was hung up about his high school girlfriend and thought he should give it another shot. Again, I did not care about his high school girlfriend but I did wish him the best of luck. I even gave him the advice of not seeing other people if he wanted to make things work with his high school sweetheart. I have no idea what her story is and whether or not she is comfortable he was seeing other people. Nonetheless, he still wanted to continue seeing me if I was ever in the mood. While the thought of watching movies with him while he was between my legs showing me his A, B, C's with his tongue, it was not worth the drama. Even if he said he was 'fine' with me seeing other people, it would eventually start to get at his head. ML is open to experimenting when it comes to some areas of the bedroom but he is not one to enjoy being walked around on a leash naked one of my other lovers enjoys throughly..
ML enjoys sex but not when it starts to head into cuckholding or putting on pink panties. I think he was one of two people I was involved with who could take on the 'vanilla' label. Usually, I see and date individuals who are comfortable with my lifestyle and will be respectful not to mention it in front of people he or she do not know of and not know whether the other individuals are accepting. I have brought around a few past lovers who met a few family members but were kind enough not to go on and on about the pegging sessions I had with them the other night to my eighty year old grandmother. While I enjoy my lifestyle and everything it has, I am not about to shove it down friends and familia's throats. Whenever they want to know about my lifestyle, they know how to contact me in order to get the four-one-one from moi.
For ML, he might start to wonder when it would be his turn to hang around with me considering I usually break up my schedule into hours I can spend with certain individuals and weekends I spend with the familia. One of the reasons why I was in a tizzy over acquiring a new planner was keeping track of what to do with myself on paper. Once the new semester starts up and I return back from the vacation, I am going to be busy with submissives, lovers, friends, classmates, school, familia, and so on. I really do not have time to have him call me at four in the morning to come over for a quick fuck when I am in bed with someone else. He would most likely want to drive over to pick me up or come over to the place to at least fuck outside. Nothing I really wanted to take on when I just moved to San Francisco. I needed to say my goodbyes to ML.
How did I depart my well wishes to him?
By giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek?
A sentimental note to always remember the good times?
No and no.
I said my goodbyes to him by taking him back to the apartment and fucking his brains out. What? Do not judge moi. I think a few people might have done the same thing and while I knew I was not about to continue seeing ML, I wanted one last romp in the bedroom with him. Slowly, I stood up, brushed the grass off of my ass, took his hand and we went back to the apartment. It was a quick fuck between us because I needed to get back on the road. I let him know after today, I was not going to call him nor should he call me to 'hang out'. Even if he did try to contact me, I planned to block his number and let his messages go to voice mail. It was mean and harsh but it was a good purpose. End it now before it became too messy and hard to clean up with a single sweep of the metaphorical broom.
I enjoyed the last time we would be together. It was an end to the months we had together. By the end, I let him use the shower and showed him out the door. I locked up the apartment, gave him a kiss on the cheek, got in my car and drove off. I did not look back. No use in looking back on the romantic and/or sexual past. Of course, I would learn from the mistake but I hoped never to break down and call up ML when I needed a body press close to mind. I think he might have felt the same way but he never did say with words. Instead, he said it with his body. Cheesy sort of saying, perhaps, but the man knew how to make it count.